"The growth of understanding follows an ascending spiral rather than a straight line." ~Joanna Field

Monday, May 9, 2011


So I've been thinking a bit about the relationships in Mario recently, especially the rather messed up Mario/Peach/Bowser/(Luigi/Daisy).

Now, had you asked me this time yesterday, I would have told you out right, I hate Bowser/Peach pairings. I don't support interspecies kidnap/rape/forcible childbearing.
But I was reading over some of the facts yesterday (Spurred by a Cracked.com article, yes...), and I'm starting to dislike it from a different angle. I'm certainly more sympathetic of Bowser.

What it looks like:
Bowser is bored out of his spiky skull, so kidnaps Peach and sets a maze of asinine tasks for Mario to do for Bowser's amusement.

How it seems to me:
Bowser is alone. His old squeeze died/left/turned into a transvestite, and now he is left with a couple of kids and nothing to live for. Then comes Peach, and he sees light at the end of his despair. Peach is kinda huffy about having to run a castle and says hey, here's a guy who is a king, and does a damn good job of it. So she runs off to him with no warning. They have a fling, maybe a kid or two...
Then the Mushroom Kingdom is left with no notice and ruler-less. So they send out the cavalry. An idiot plumber and his marginally smarter brother. Mario probably had a one-nighter with Peach at some point, thinks he loves her etc etc. Or just wants in on this ruler thing. Luigi is there to keep Mario alive, and possibly has a crush on her (Daisy was not introduced in the first few games, so he can't be trying to save her...). (Mushroom Kingdom probably asked him first, but Mario jumped on it.) Peach realises, oops, I done fucked up, and makes an elaborate plan to stay hidden.
Bowser probably was never trying especially hard to keep a hold on Peach. His castles are just well defended because otherwise who knows what would happen. That, and since Koopas take something close to a nuke to kill, it makes a good playground for his kids.
By the time he finally notices Mario, he's angry 'cause his kids are hurt and whining, not because Mario wants Peach.
So he finally gives up and goes back to Koopa Land, thinking that Peach fucked him over. (Say, yeah, you can have my land, then send in your fighter? Not cool bish.)
Peach is "rescued" and all is well.
Then Peach gets bored of Mario (He is just a portly plumber, after all. Bowser is a king) so says heck with this, and lures Bowser in with her feminine wiles.

So now I think that the Bowser/Peach pairing sucks because Peach is a manipulative whore.

It makes some sense though. I mean, why else would Peach not upgrade her army? Keep inviting Bowser to go-kart and golf and tennis? She considers him another plaything. Heck, she dumps the resultant kids on him, and pretends he is THE BAD GUY for years, staying with Mario until, oops, I'm bored of the Italian, lets get our turtle on.

I feel bad for Bowser now. All he wants is a good wife and mother for his kids, someone to love and lavish and give kingdoms to. Instead he gets Peach.

Thankfully Luigi eventually meets Daisy, the somewhat slow relation to Peach, who seems a bit more loyal to him.

But outside of that crazy quinrangle, Yoshi/Birdo forever. A dinosaur and his boyfriend cum girlfriend that don't seem to have any issues staying together and making plenty of cannon fodder, I mean, children.

I guess I just showed some of my inner geek there. But things like this bother me when I'm busy doing crafts and such.

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