"The growth of understanding follows an ascending spiral rather than a straight line." ~Joanna Field

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A response

So I was reading a post from a blog I follow, and I wanted to respond. However my response got quite long. So instead I am posting it here.

And my response follows.

I agree with some of the backing to your points, the feelings I think are behind them, but not the points themselves.
I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.

I don't feel the need to go around telling everyone I'm queer. And, in fact, I rarely do any more. Most people can figure it out for themselves based on my comments and actions. It comes up passively in conversations nowadays.
But I did go through a period where I did tell people. The whole "coming out" thing.

I guess the reason that people feel the need to tell everyone is because people tend to assume "straightness".
I'm not straight. No more than I am black, a man, red headed or long haired.
But people can tell that I am white, can see my short hair, assume I am not a man; all just by looking at me.
But they can't tell my queer status. And while that is fine (most people don't need to know) it can make for awkward times if I want to get closer to someone.
I want people to know I am queer up front because it can save a lot of pain later on. There are people out there that reject queer people. And the sooner into the relationship I can determine their stance, the less pain will be brought from the rejection.

As for a personal blog of a queer person not having much in common... I think that is a bit presumptuous.
I still have relationship issues, I still go to work, I still talk about reading and movies, if I had kids I might talk about them... I still eat, drink, do arts. I could still own a home, run a family. I still go to school. Honestly, the issues we could face are much the same.
It is very similar to saying you wouldn't want to read the blog of a black man because you are a white woman, what could you have in common?
I'm a reasonable example, I've had maybe two out of seventy posts revolve around a queer issue-- and that is because I am currently going through some things.

Keeping it to yourself on TV/Movies... do you protest the idea of a straight person playing a queer person? A Christian playing an Atheist? What about a perfect husband playing a wife-beater?
The joy of actors is that they can play roles that they don't fit into perfectly in their home life. I'd protest more the idea that someone has to embody who they are playing in their personal life-- we'd have a lot more murderers running around.

As for school... ideally no one would be bullied. But that dream is a long way off. Right now it is being targeted because of all the suicides. If a rash of 'drama geeks' were to suddenly decide suicide was the best option, chances are there would be action taken.
Honestly, I was bullied for a lot of things in school. I am shy, I don't do sports, I like video games and the internet too much, I got too good of grades... Only once was I ever targeted for being queer. And that one time I was beaten black and blue. All the other things were taunts, a push maybe. It is the severity of the bullying around this issue that makes it so important at this point.

I've always had a hard time understanding Pride parades. For any reason, race, orientation, religion... They seem excessive.
I don't wear a shirt that says "Gay Pride". The closest I have is one that says "4 out of 5 cats prefer lesbians". I wear that because a friend gave it to me, not because I'm queer.
However they are good ways to keep the issues at hand.
There are no straight parades because there is little need to celebrate a majority. They aren't under duress.

As for the Chritianity/religion/Jesus/God thing... Not everyone believes the same thing, as you said. Unfortunately some people believe in spreading hate and fear. With time, and luck, those people may become less common.

Honestly, I did find some of your opinions questionable, but I can agree to an extent. The only thing I found affronting was the idea that you should pray for people who you are trying not to judge. It seems inapproriate to pray for the person. Perhaps pray for an understanding of the person (for your own use), but the person them selves should be able to make the choice of hw and who and what for, when it comes to prayer.

I am sorry you could not keep your friend on Facebook because of their friends, and I am really sorry they attacked you like that. Unfortunately on every side of any issue there will be people like that.

I'm not trying to sound hostile, I hope it didn't come across that way >.>


  1. Hi! :-)
    You did not come across as hostile AT ALL. I so appreciate your very thorough explanation. Thank you! I can see your counter-point to many of the things i brought up. In one kind of sweeping and general response, I really am not wanting people to be other than what they are. As for the prayer thing, I want people to look inward and judge themselves and their motives. Walking in love towards someone, to me, is most important. And really however people achieve that is up to them. As for the gay blog thing....i really wasn't trying to make a narrow minded, broad judgement. It was based off of the few times that I DID try to read some gay blogs and I didn't have things in common with these people based on their blog content. Now that you have contacted me, I would like to stay in touch with you.

    1. I am glad. I am always worried that I come across as hostile because I can have a forceful way of writing.

      I also want people to be introspective, to determine the reasons behind their beliefs. I think it is an important part of being fully human.
      I have a hard time with the concept I suppose because I am always being told not to take others onto myself. I feel like praying for another person oversteps my bounds in a way I'm not sure I can fully describe.

      I can see how that could happen. I avoid a great number of blogs because their content does not suit me. I guess it just comes down to how you describe it, at that point.
      I don't follow blogs where they talk about car maintenance, but I wouldn't say that I don't follow blogs by mechanics.
      It's sort of a content versus provider statement.

      I'm glad that the lines of communication have been opened; I'm always interested in hearing different points of view-- never know what might strike true, y'know?